Saturday, February 11, 2006

Fear?

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"...it is not possible for me to stop the process now.
Nor do I wish to.
I have had my chances to step away from this whole thing, and I havent taken them.
I've decided to stick with what my instincts are telling me, rather than what much of the world will tell me...." Neale Donald Walsch, 1995
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I am at a very interesting stage now.
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As from tomorrow, I will not have a car anymore. Not just any car, but my car. My car that I have worked hard to pay for. My car that had given me so much freedom over the past four years.
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As from this Wedneday, I will not have a job anymore. Not just any job, but my job. My job that I loved so much. My job which has allowed me to do so much, to see so many places and enabled me to learn so many things.
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So by the end of the week, I will be very unfamiliar territory. I have never been without a job since the age of fourteen and one month, when I managed to convince the local skating rink to employ me as their skating instructor. The strange thing is that I have never ever been this in control of my life ever. I feel as though I actually have a handle of everything that I am going to face in the coming year, despite not even knowing what is going to come my way. I guess I attribute it to the hard work i have put in to regaining a bit of self belief and confidence.
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I have five weeks to go before I leave everything behind here in Australia. I love Australia. I am only leaving so I can see the world. I envisage bringing up a family in Australia. I dont want this to be the last time I see this place. I am, first and foremost, an Australian. And now I will be an Australian expat.
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The excitement is unbearable at times, but the sadness is slowly creeping in. Before, I wasnt sad because I knew that I still had "x" amount of months until departure date. However, March 20 is coming towards me at a speeding rate and suddenly i have very little time to do things, and so little time to spend with loved one.
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1 Comments:

Blogger Oreo said...

Andy and kate you are both right, it's hard to let go but like andy said you will wonder why you didnt do it sooner...I HOPE! I leave TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!1

2:44 AM  

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