Desperate Housewife (And Her Daughter)

http://www.newsday.com/media/photo/2005-09/14900012.jpg

So the other day, I get a text message from my mother while I am at work. I open my inbox and read words to the following effect:

.

"Just met young hunk next door. Skin like coffee. Great body. Dream boat."

.

There are a number of things wrong with this entire scenario. Firstly, my mother is sixty years of age. Secondly, yes, my mother text messages me. She loves using her mobile phone to write me all kinds of messages throughout the day. Thirdly, how is it that my mother gets to meet the good looking young neighbour before I do. Lastly:

.

WHY, AFTER TWENTY FIVE YEARS, DOES A GOOD LOOKING MAN MOVE INTO OUR NEIGHBOURHOOD FIVE WEEKS BEFORE I LEAVE THE COUNTRY?

.

You can understand my obvious distress at this text message. So, in order to get the entire facts of the situation, I telephone my mother immediately. The following conversation is held.

.

K: What is going on? Which neighbour?

.

M: The one on the right. His son appears to have moved in.

.

K: When did you see him?

.

M: This afternoon, moving the lawns.

.

K: And ---

.

M: He was mowing his lawns without his shirt.

.

[gasp by both parties]

.

K: I want details.

.

M: Well he looks like he's from one of those movies. You know, he looks like he has got some kind of indian, sri lankan appearance, but not totally. And he has a good body.

.

K: NOOOOOOOO WAY!

.

M: Yes.

.

K: Well.......? Did you speak to him?

.

M: I said hello.

.

K: Noooooo way.

.

So every since then I have been casually wandering around our front lawn to catch a glimpse of this apparent rare speciman to enter the neighbourhood. Thankfully we have some bushes and plants which act as a sort of barrier between the houses, so you can easily spy without being caught out. After a number of days, I still hadnt seen the guy and it appeared that mum was having another one of her sixty-year-old delusions.

.

But alas.

.

I was outside putting the rubbish out in my oldest, well worn shorts and singlet top, hair a mess with no shoes on, and he pulls up in his truck (its like he is some kind of tradesman - so Desperate Housewives-like!). Acting on instinct, I knew how ugly I looked, so I made a beeline for the front door. I think I managed to hide in time.

.

I'm going to need to plan things a little better.

.

I'm going to have to wash my car in my bikini or something (aka Jessica Simpson in "These Boots Were Made For Walking video clip").

.

I dont know. Its not like I've ever had a good looking neighbour before!!!

.

.