Rocking the Hamster Jam!

Hello from Amsterdam, the home of canals, bicycles, red light districts and weed. Its the first morning of my time away and I am just about to head out and explore the 'Dam. First stop? The markets, and then maybe the Heineken Brewery Tour. We'll see. I'm too busy enjoying the "mod cons" of a home right now - like a shower that doesnt have to be started up again after 2 mins, like not having eight people in my room, and eating something other than fake potato mash and soy sauce.

Yesterday was a very very long day. I woke up at 6.30am and poor Boy dragged himself of bed to take me to the airport. Given my history of missing flights, I made sure we were 2 hours early and as a result, was rewarded with a short queue to check in. I reached the front of the queue, only to be asked whether I had any liquids in my hand luggage and if so, to put them into the check in bags. Doh! So out came the luggage keys, out came the shampoos, perfumes, cough medicines, deodorants, more perfumes, sunscream, the lot and in they went into my check in lugguge. After doing so, I looked around and the queue behind me was short no more. Yes, I thought, I am the one that completely forgot about the rules. Dont hate me.

I managed to the Boy hide around the corner with plastic bags full of stuff in order to escape the strict "One Piece of Hand Luggage Only" rule and the 5 pounds per kilo rule for the checkin luggage. Hey, I am a seasoned traveller. I know how to get around these silly airport rules!!! After a sad goodbye, I assured him that I'd be find with my one piece of hand luggage and five plastic bags and that I would get through customs no trouble. I sadly watched him leave and at that moment, our five month relationship officially ended.

Well, just as the Boy left, and in a precious, emotional state, I was pounced on by two young lads wearing bright gooseberry/purple coloured shirts with "Welcome Team" on the back of them. I gave them my best smile and waited for them to perform their "Welcome Team" ceremony on me, except they were Baggage Police in disguise. "One piece of hand luggage only madam". Firstly, I laughed at the colours of their shirt. Secondly, I laughed at their idea of a "welcome", thirdly, I laughed at the fact that they had a "welcome team" standing there at DEPARTURES, and fourthly, I stopped laughed at them when I realised they were serious.

"ONE piece of hand luggage only?" I said, with my most innocent eyes. Welcome Boy No.1 nodded. "I just purchased this stuff at the shops" I said, thinking on my feet quickly (as lawyers do). WB #1 didnt budge. "One piece of hand luggage only, which means that all needs to go into one bag."

I stepped away, took a deep breath and thought to myself "I will not be beaten".

This time, Welcome Boy No.2 had come across to speak to his purple-shirted friend. He had taken an interest in my case too, it had appeared. Innocent eyed once again, I said "Well, i will be leaving my laptop and my camera out because the policy online which I read yesterday stated that electronic goods were not included in the rule."

Two pairs of eyes narrowed. WB #2 said "This is the airport policy. Airline policy does not apply."

B*stards.

My innocent eyes darkened, I turned on my heel and tears welled up in my eyes. I had to somehow get three ski jackets, a laptop, a camera, and a handbag all into my backpack, which was already full. I sat down on the "courtesy lounge" which the Welcome Team reserved for fugitives like me, and started to dump the contents of my bags onto the airport floor. I tried to be as discreet as possible because I could hear people whispering as they walked past "So she doesnt know the one piece only rule" or "Oh wow, look at all the stuff she has, how will she work that out?"

I sat, and sat, and sat. I looked around for the Boy, wondering if he'd stayed to make sure I'd gotten in, but my "dont worry I will be fine" comment must have sounded believable because he'd gone.

Right, i thought. If I can do the medium level sudoku in the Sunday Times, I can make miracles happen here.

[five minutes later]

I saunter on past the evil little gooseberry boys wearing three ski jackets, scarf, beanie, camera under the jackets, laptop squished in the bag with a few items having been thrown in the bin.

I had won.

I got to the scanning area, sweating badly and looking rather large. The scanning man just looked at my sympathetically and said "you can pull all your bags out now."

Bless him.

Watch this site for part 2 of my story later!