"This Time, Its Personal" - Women's Inability to Cope On Their Own

Its time I lay down a few simple "home truths" to my readers. Its time I get a little personal. I dont like pasting my personal life across the internet via a blog so I tend to avoid talking about the deep stuff. Some find it therapeutic. And are comfortable with that. But for me, when it comes to matters of the heart, I tend to keep it away from the public eye and deal with it in my own time.

But today, its personal.

Its time I get a little frustrated with my gender.

I'm sorry but its time to burn some bras, chant "I am woman, here me roar" and ask the big question:

"Why is it that so many women are unable to cope on their own?"

I know there are ladies reading this who are sitting here convincing themselves that they are, or would be, perfectly fine on their own. I also know that there are women out there who are saying to themselves "i could handle being out of a relationship" or "i am perfectly fine being single." Or "I am single and not looking", or "I've been on my own for ages now, and its time to have a relationship."

Bullsh*t.

Have any of these women been truly alone? Not just "single" or "not in a relationship", but I am talking about taking yourself completely off the market to the point where you could even class yourself as "assexual"?

I am talking about being alone and not lonely.

Why is it that women find it so difficult to be in love and then be out of love? Why do women feel as though they have lost a part of themselves when it happens? Why is it that women find themselves lost or unhappy when they are not being loved, or when they are not "in love"?

Up until June this year, I was that girl. I was the girl that was going out looking for someone to "complete" me. I was out there randomly dating, and when the person didnt really suit, or things didnt kick off, I would feel like my world was caving in. I was in love with the idea of being in love and I will openly admit that I was constantly on the look out for the fairytale. And why wouldnt I have been? I was 24 years old, with a fantastic job, a great smile and an ability to hold a decent conversation with even the local drunk at the pub. I felt like I deserved to be in love. I deserved to find someone to share life with. And when the prospective suitor turned out to be far from my fairytale, I would wallow in self pity and struggle to deal with the idea that I had to go back to the drawing board once again.

I was so in love with the idea of being in love that I forgot one thing - I had no idea about myself.

For so long, I was putting my perceived "happiness" in other people's hands. I was linking being single to "being unhappy". And to be honest, my desperation to find happiness was showing up in most of my relationships. So I decided to take myself completely "off the market". Entirely. I not just said to myself that I wasnt going to date, but I completely removed from my mind the idea that I was to find the fairytale and find it soon. It wasnt something that disappeared over night. But I made conscious decisions to stop going out to clubs and pubs in order to meet people. I stopped looking around on the street and stopped wondering whether it was Mr. Right that was standing on the corner nearby. And most importantly, I let go of the idea that I had truly loved those that I thought I loved in the past. Because all of a sudden it didnt matter.

I look at all of my friends out there who are in relationships or are dating and I see them miserable. I see their emotions being constantly controlled by the actions of another. I see them constantly questioning whether what they are doing is the right thing, whether they are keeping their partner happy, constantly asking for reassurance from them, and falling apart when they find themselves alone. I also see women find strength to break away from unhappy relationships, but then fall back into the relationship just as quick because they "believe" that they are unhappy without that person, no matter how unhappy they are with them. Some even think that the unhappiness is worth it, simply because they have someone.

So many women are simply afraid to be alone because they fear that they will be lonely.

I also see people in love and I see themselves become a part of the other person, rather than be their own person. In other words, they begin to believe that their partner is a supplement, rather than a compliment.

Why are people constantly putting their happiness in other people's hands?

Although it may appear that I am opposed to relationships or being in love, that certainly is not true. I yearn to find a meaningful relationship with someone I truly love. I still hold that idea of the fairytale.

But the difference is that I am going to enter into that relationship with the knowledge that without this person, I would be okay. And that this person I have would compliment me, rather than become a part of me. I will be grateful for the person that comes into my life because he is an addition to my life, rather than have my life and my emotions constantly controlled by the actions and behaviour of another.

I intend to go into that relationship in the future knowing full well that I would be okay being alone. I know so many women that would say that they too could be perfectly fine without a partner, but I really wonder whether or not that would be the case.

This isnt written by someone who is cynical about love.

This is written by someone that is no longer wanting to place her happiness in someone elses hands. Because happiness is too fragile for a lot of people because they havent learnt how to make themselves happy.

And who has the right to control someone else's happiness?