Even Though My Days Are Tough....

When I have worked 14 hours, when its gone dark and I am the only fool still in the office, when everyone has gone home, it is hard to stop and think "how could I have given up the freedom and independence of travel for this??".

I remember Scotland, the fun I had, the travel through France, the wonderful days in Sweden, and its usually just as I am climbing out of bed to go to work at ungodly hours of the morning, that I cant help but experience a tiny bit of sadness.

Sure, my quality of life is pretty dismal at the moment. I wake up at 6am, and I am home by 9pm. I'm living a life of continuous meetings, endless cups of coffee and uncomfortably high heels. I feel as though I havent seen hardly any of my friends in weeks, and there hasnt been a night that I havent fallen into bed with mentla and physical exhaustion.
But not once have i ever regretted coming home.

I am witnessing my little baby neice grow up to become a gorgeous little girl. A little bundle of fearless, energetic joy. I dont think I have ever come across a child that has so much personality, and so much enthusiasm for discovery. She makes every hard day at work seem worth it, because I am here in Australia now, instead of being so far away. I know I babble on about her a lot, but when life is so full of complexity (even more so now with the new job), Charlotte simplifies everything. When your day is filled with a bunch of adults fighting over stupid legal issues, coming home to see that gummy smile the instant she recognises you, melts my heart and makes everything worth it.

When I see her playing with other children, I cant help but feel proud of her. My sister has done a wonderful job at making her into an outgoing, fiesty little girl who wants to be friends with everyone (even when they dont neccesarily want to be friends with her!). She walks up to kids randomly and just smiles at them, with her toothy little smile.

From this entry, you all must think I dont like my job. You're wrong. I love it. I've always loved the profession, the challenge of it. I am right for the job. I am handling the work, the responsibility and everyday I'm thrilled by whatever comes my way. But my love for the job was partly the reason why I gave it up way back in January 2006 for what I thought would be a few years. Now, it appears that the profession has lured me back after only nine months. Is that a sign that this is my fate? That this is what I am truly meant to be doing in life?

Frustratingly though, when I work, I love it so much and I am so passionate about it that I give 110%. Which means that I dont necessarily get that work/life balance that is required to remain healthy and happy. Circumstances have meant that since starting work, its been so busy that any hope of a work/life balance has disappeared temporarily. The highs that come with being in an executive role lasts right up until you get to late at night, when you are still churning out the work, when everyone is at home with their family and friends.

However, once I settle in, I am determined to get my life back on track again!


(pictures above are of charlotte and my sister, Annie).