Mistake?

Maybe I was a little too quick to announce my undying love for the Boy. EC is right. I have been experiencing The Now, and its now that I have come to realise that reality is a lot different to the fairytale. Dont get me wrong, i feel very strongly about him - more than I have any one in my entire life. But every since actually thinking (and declaring publicaly) that maybe Edinburgh could be somewhere I could settle down, I've completely gone and freaked out, spent too much time worrying about leaving my family and worried about hurting the Boy if I was to ever change my mind. You see, once you think about the impossible being possible, it opens up your mind to a lot of things. I am sure the Boy wont mind me saying this here on the blog, because it is exactly what I've been saying lately, but I cant imagine not going home to Australia. Its where my family is. Its my home. I have a great career there. I have my friends too. Did I make a mistake by getting too involved with someone here? Am I going to have to hurt the Boy by choosing my family and my home over him? If I cant imagine being without my family, does that mean I have to stop being with the Boy now because its not like we are really going to have a future? Or is this a case of "just live for now". Or am I just worrying too much and getting myself into a tizz over this for no reason? I'm such a worrier. An over-analyser. Ugh.

One thing is for sure is that I have chosen not to go to Canada. The decision was made because of so many other reasons than just the Boy. The big factor was the idea that if I was to go to Canada, I wasnt going to be able to see my family until maybe May. And I couldnt handle that. I miss them. I want to go and see them.

So it looks as though Africa will be something I will do, even if it is for a couple of weeks, maybe a month and a half. And then maybe back to the UK - Edinburgh. Maybe London. I dont know. I've realised that my adventure really is only beginning. I've only been away from home for five months.

I just hope I dont hurt the Boy in the process. I'd never ever want to do that, because he is so special to me.